What I Just Finished: I'll Walk Alone

I picked this book up at Walmart for $5.99ish.

I needed to preoccupy myself on a road trip home earlier this month.  I hadn't brought any work even though I had so much to do.  Unfortunately for my stressed out soul I finished the only book I'd brought on the ride to Arkansas.

So, you see, I had to find something, anything, to rescue my mind from the impending anxiety brought on by wasting seven hours in the car.

So, Marry Higgins Clark it was.  Typical for Clark, the book was slightly suspenseful and the reader couldn't be sure which characters were reliable and trustworthy and which one was the dirty scoundrel.

I drank  in the 418 pages in the car because there was too much else to do when I got home. 

Okay, but not great, it got me through, and for that I am thankful.

Happy Reading,

Adventures in Vegetarianism

I decided to be a vegetarian for the month of May.


I had many different reasons:
1. I like challenges in self discipline and control.
2. I'm almost a vegetarian anyway.
3. Who doesn't love a fun adventure?!

Stuffed bell peppers.  

I expected that surrendering to a meatless existence would be a little difficult, that there would be unexpected complications.  I thought I might feel sad sometimes about having to leave meat alone.  I felt sure I would feel different in some way, that my body would respond positively or negatively.

For the most part, I was wrong.



The only place I ran into any real trouble was Arby's on a road trip, and the only reason that was troublesome was because I didn't want the level of calories that comes with consuming the largest order of curly fries.  Although, I do love me some curly fries and firmly believe they should be calorie free.


As for my body, she felt the same as always.


I suppose I found the transition easy because I'm not a meat lover to begin with.  Technically, though, I didn't make my goal, and I'm good with that. 


I ended my quest with vegetarianism on May 29th.  I decided long before then that I'd quit before the month was done because that was the day of the teacher's luncheon, catered by Mark's Feed Store. Since this store that's really a restaurant has most delicious barbeque, I thought, who cares?  Let's do this.  So, I did.

Quinoa Pilaf.

I thought eating meat for the first time in 28 days would be weird, but it wasn't.  Turns out, it tasted just the same, but fruits and vegetables and grains are still much better.

So, my days of strict vegetarianism are over, although I'll still be my mostly vegetarian self.

It was a fun adventure.  Now I need something new to try. . .


Happy Wednesday,

The Weekend that Wasn't

I had many, many plans for this weekend, and they all fell apart. One by one by one.


My husband was to be out of town.  I was to be in town--celebrating.  Not celebrating in the traditional sense, you see.  I was going to celebrate the successful completion of my first year of teaching by myself--quietly.  


I intended to watch miserable amounts of television and devour book after delicious book perhaps stopping for real sustenance along the way.  I would do only the things that struck my fancy and nothing more.  I would be still; I would be quiet; I would be proud of what I'd accomplished.


How were my plans derailed, you ask?  Sabotage.  Sabotage by none other than the vessel that holds my tired and weary new-teacher soul--my very own body.


It all started on Monday(ish)--I can't be certain of the exact date, as I didn't see the attack coming because, quite frankly, I never do.  It started with a headache that wouldn't go away, an itchy throat, an achy  muscle.  You get the drift.  By Thursday I was feeling a bit light headed and my throat was no longer itchy, but a deep and painful scratchy.  When I got home after a long day I had a fever.  I was up all night pleading with the germs, the illness, God, myself, ANYONE to please, please let me sleep.  The answer was always, except for an hour or two, a deep, sadistic NO.


By Friday morning when it was time to go to school for the last day of finals, I was a mess.  A germy, feverish mess.  I had two finals to give.  When the last students of the last group left, I packed it all up and went home.


I stopped at Walgreens and loaded up on sinus medication, sleeping pills, potato chips (who knows why?), orange juice, and soup.


I spent the weekend that was to be the glorious end of a glorious year bobbing between sleep and wakefulness, being able to breath and struggling for air.  


I should have known my weekend of beauty and reflection and quiet would be ripped from underneath me; after all, this is how I live.


I push and I push and I push and I reach a goal, and then, as if my body and spirit detach from one another and the sprit says KEEP GOING, my body rises up with a tired and spent, but strong and forceful, NO--IT'S TIME TO STOP.


It happened in high school; it got worse in college when I was sick after every single semester.  It happened after I got married.  I made it to the end of the honeymoon before I crashed, and now it's happened again.  


So, my weekend disappeared into oblivion, a sick and nasty oblivion of nose blowing and fitful sleep and pill popping.


I suppose, though, that having a 101.5 fever and being so, so sick is just a way for my body to celebrate its long, faithful hours of success.  Because, although it was forced, she finally got her long overdue rest.

I hope your weekend was healthier than mine,

21 Days of Blogging: 5 of the Things I Learned

I made it! Today is the last day of my 21 days of blogging.  I learned lots of lessons and was reminded of a few I already knew on this three week journey to a better blogging self. So, here they are:


1. Choosing to blog every single day during one of the busiest times of your life is crazy but totally worth it.  Since I wasn't thinking clearly when I started this new blogging adventure, I scheduled it during 2 of my busiest weeks of the school year. It's been crazy, but I'm glad it ended up that way. I'm really bad to wait until the perfect time to pick a new adventure or start working toward a new goal.  This is stupid.  There is never a perfect time for most things; everything I haven't been doing is going to be an interruption to my current life.  If I want to try new things, the perfect time is now. 


2. You have time for what you make time for. I'm bad to say that I didn't have time to finish this or start that or work on the other thing.  Sometimes, this might be accurate. Usually, though, it's completely false.  I'm starting to realize just how much time I can waste by being out of time.  I'm not saying you should run around crazy-busy all the time; that's counterproductive.  I'm just saying that the more I make time for, the happier I am and the more time I have.

3. (some of) My students read my blog. When I heard one student explain to another that I had become a vegetarian for the month of May I thought how in Heaven's name did you know that? I forgot I'd put that out into cyberspace for all to see. I think it's precious that some of them read my blog; they're so sweet and encouraging about it.  It only gets weird when they bring it up to everyone else in class, and I have to blush over it.  Goodness.

4. I love to write. I already knew this, but I was sort of forgetting.  It doesn't matter what I'm writing: a note, a reminder, a worksheet, an email, a prayer, a blog post, an article, a paper--I love writing.  It makes my soul feel fresher and my mind renewed. 

5. When I make time for what I need to make time for and when I write, I am a better version of me.


Hip, Hip, Hooray! Blogging every day is over, but don't be sad. I'll be back--frequently.  However, I must take a brief hiatus to complete that to do list I've been moaning about.  See you Saturday...Sunday...Sometime Soon.


Thanks for reading,

What I Just Finished

All Quiet on the Western Front. Erich Maria Remarque.


I'm not really a war book kind of a gal, so I wasn't super excited to teach this.  Then I started reading it.


Remarque's imagery is astounding. His characters are endearing.  His story is captivating.


Paul Baumer, the narrator and protagonist of the story, and his friends are German soldiers fighting in WWI.  They lament their lost youth and the educations they suffered through and no longer use, but more than anything they demonstrate the intimate and intricate relationships of wartime friends, brothers really.  


The book is mostly sad, but it's so very good.  I liked it because it was genuine.  The only agenda seemed to be telling the truth about war and what it's really like, and I appreciated its honesty.


Besides that, I love me some Paul Baumer. 

Happy Reading,


P.S. It's day 20 of my 21 day blogging adventure.  Who knew I'd make it?  I mean...I think it's safe to say I'll probably make it, but who knows...  I can't jinx myself now.

My Weekend in Pictures

I was not party to putting the dog on the counter.  Just FYI.

Stack of 25 papers I graded.

Tiny pancakes are my favorite. :)

Bowtie pasta, sun-dried tomato pesto, sweet bell peppers, baby portabella mushrooms, fresh spinach.
Yum.

MooMoo fancies herself a paper grader.  I wish.

Homemade apple juice.

Cuties.

Hope your weekend was fab,

Happy Mother's Day, Mama.

My mother is the best kind of mother.  She is fierce and no nonsense and sensitive and loving.  She believes in me, and she trusts my ability to make my own decisions.

Even though she finds it bittersweet to watch me grow and turn into an adult, she tries her best to trust that she's raised me right, and she has.


Because she and I are the same kind of woman: independent, stubborn, and passionate, I know that letting me get married and leave home is one of the hardest things she's ever done because it's the sure sign that I'm grown, that her baby daughter is now old enough to have her own life and her own husband and her own family and her own decisions.  But I also know that it's one of her greatest victories and accomplishments because she poured her heart and soul into my life, and she still does.


It is because of these things that I pretend to miss her less than I do and I pretend sometimes that things are better than they are.  It is because of these things that I share my joys and ideas and victories with her freely.  I know she does the same for me. 

I adore my mother's guidance, the way that she always goes behind me or beside me or in front of me.  She is always where I need her to be.  She is not interested in getting credit or protecting herself; she's interested in protecting me, and she always has.  

I respect my mother because she always tells me the truth, which can be completely infuriating.  But I know she tells me the truth even when I don't want to hear it because she expects me to tell her the truth even when she doesn't want to hear it; she finds this equally infuriating, I'm sure.

I love my mother because she mothered me and mothered me and mothered me, and as I've gotten older and we've felt the growing pains of our relationship, she's begun to befriend me.  Finally we're starting to realize that the roles are changing, and even though we've both been resistant, I think we're starting to work it out.  I no longer need the same kind of mother that she was when I was young, and she no longer needs the same kind of daughter.  No, we are much past those days.  We are moving forward to the brighter days ahead where our relationship is one of mutual respect and friendship and trust. And even though she'll always be my mother and our relationship will ebb and flow, she'll always be my very best friend, the first person who really knew me for me and loved me just the same.

Yes, my mother is the very best kind of mother, and I am so very grateful.



P.S. This is day eighteen of my twenty-one day blogging adventure. I'll say it's going well because that's making me feel a little more sane.

Sunday Snippets on Saturday

Since tomorrow is Mother's Day I decided I'd send some snippets your way today and free up space for my mommy tomorrow.


"A hospital alone shows what war is."
--All Quiet on the Western Front, Erich Maria Remarque


~~~~~


"War is the cause of death like cancer and tuberculosis, like influenza and dysentery.  The deaths are merely more frequent, more varied and terrible."
--All Quiet on the Western Front, Erich Maria Remarque


~~~~~


"Here, on the borders of death, life follows an amazingly simple course, it is limited to what is most necessary, all else lies buried in gloomy sleep. . ."
--All Quiet on the Western Front, Erich Maria Remarque


~~~~~


Can you tell I've only had time to read one book this week?  Real cheery, huh? 


Happy (almost) Sunday,

P.S. This is day seventeen of my twenty-one day blogging adventure. I'd say it's going well, but I barely made it with two minutes to spare today.  Yikes.

Fiji, My Fiji, how I love Thee

When I am stressed and life feels like too much, my dreams turn to Fiji.  A place I've never been but desperately want to go.  Fiji is an oasis in my mind.

In Fiji there are no bad attitudes or budgets or deadlines.  In Fiji there is deliciously fresh fruit and crystal clear waters and little huts to sleep in and a gentle breeze to wake me in the morning.  At night there is a hole-in-the-wall restaurant that serves my favorite fresh fish and is lit up with twinkle lights and a man plays the guitar and sings original songs.

In Fiji I wake up with nothing pressing on my mind; my muscles never spasm, and my head never aches.  I relish my days in Fiji reading and writing and taking pictures and making memories and being still.  

In Fiji, I am free.

Photo Credit: http://www.travel-guider.com/fiji-islands.html

So while I'm spending my weekend grading research papers and writing finals and prepping lessons, I'll be dreaming of Fiji. And when my eyes close, Fiji will appear so for a brief moment I'll be released from the grips of my life without her.  Someday we'll meet, Fiji and me, and that, my friends, will be a beautiful day.

It's time to get it on the calendar. . . . 

P.S. This is day sixteen of my twenty-one day blogging adventure. Two weeks down; one to go!  I'd say it's going well; it'd be going better if I really were in Fiji. . . .

Holy Cannoli

Yesterday it seemed like I was ready to quit my job and open a cannoli stand on a corner downtown.  I'd save lots of gas that way, but I wouldn't be happy.


Because the truth is I love teaching.  Even with all the stress and the grading and the emails and the repeating and the missing assignments and the bad attitudes and the begging for mercy and the crazy, it's the best job in the world. 


When I'm in front of a class I become a different person; I'm  not nearly so crazy in real life, but I love the person I become.  I love to watch teenagers learn and to hear what they're dealing with and to see them grow.  


So even though a cannoli stand would be a much tastier way to earn a living, it sure wouldn't be near as fun or rewarding.


Now, please excuse me so that I can fall into the bed and try to sleep until it's time to wake up and be to work by seven because in case you forgot: MY TO DO LIST IS CRAZY! (and things got added to this list today, but I'll spare you the nasty details--I can't bear to speak of it).

Good thing I love my job.


I hope you love yours too.


P.S. This is day fifteen of my twenty-one day blogging adventure. Two weeks down; one to go!  I'd say it's going well. You know, except for that I'M FREAKING OUT BECAUSE MY TO DO LIST IS CRAZY IMPOSSIBLE.

My To Do List*

*No part of this list is fabricated or exaggerated.  I wish.  All items on this list are due between May 14th and May 25th.  Holy. Cannoli. I don't know if I'll make it.




-Grade 52 research papers
-Validate authenticity of 52 research papers
-Grade 424 dialectical journal entries
-Grade 68 Psalm 23 rewrites
-Validate authenticity of 68 Psalm 23 rewrites
-Grade 89 Poetry Analysis Papers
-Grade 318 poems
-Validate authenticity of 318 poems
-Write a supplemental reading test
-Grade 45 supplemental reading tests
-Create a worksheet
-Create, proof, and submit two final exams
-Grade 90-106 final exams (specific number TBD)
-Create and submit lesson plans
-Verify final grades
-Read 189 pages of a book (just got that little sprinkle of joy YESTERDAY)
-TRY TO REMAIN CALM (should this be at the top? Maybe breathing should be at the top?)


If these were the only things happening, I might be a little more okay.  As it is, I still have a husband, friends, church activities, and a life to live.  Also, instead of spending my eight hour work day working on the items on my to do list, I spend my eight hour work day molding the young minds of America.  Oh, bless.


Again, Holy. Cannoli. That's all I can say any more: Holy. Flippin'. Cannoli.

P.S. This is day fourteen of my twenty-one day blogging adventure. Two weeks down; one to go!  I'd say it's going well. You know, except for that I'M FREAKING OUT BECAUSE MY TO DO LIST IS CRAZY IMPOSSIBLE.

Too Graduates!

 On Saturday I skipped out on the Derby to head to my alma mater and watch my best friend Too graduate from college.

It's funny to me that we're friends.  I mean I never imagined that my potluck roommate from freshmen year of college would turn out to be one of the dearest, closest friends of my life.  I never imagined that another person could know me so wholly and, whether she agreed or not,  love me anyway.

 Too and I lived together for three years.  We laughed and cried and studied and didn't study and took pictures and skipped class and went to chapel and skipped chapel and spent entire nights talking.  We've been through the thick of it, this girl and me.

Too taught me what it's like to have a sister.  Her soul is one of beauty, and I'm so blessed to know it.

I am so proud of all her accomplishments, the things she will accomplish, and all the good she'll do (and already has done) for our world.  




Congratulations, pal.

P.S. This is day thirteen of my twenty-one day blogging adventure. So far, so good. Then again, it is only day thirteen. . . .Is it safe to say yet that it actually is going well? 

A List of Sundries. . .

• May is a busy month.  It's making me tired, and I'm working on not being cranky. 

• Mostly may gives me anxiety because she is full of seemingly impossible deadlines that are fast approaching.



Maisie and Melvin riding in the car.

• I decided to be a vegetarian in May. Why?  I'm not totally sure, but here are the reasons I've come up with.
• I'm basically a vegetarian anyway.  I only eat meat at dinner, and I don't crave it at all.  Vegetables are my favorite.
• Lately I've started enjoying experiments in self control and discipline more.  
• I've always wanted to try being a vegetarian to see if I could, so I picked the month of May.  I don't know if it will last longer than that, but I wanted to give myself a time frame, so that when it's over I feel like I actually accomplished something.  (I'm all about reaching a goal).

 

• We went to the Great Balloon Glow a couple of weekends ago.  I loved it, just like last year.  Something about hot air ballons seems almost magical, and watching them really makes me want to ride in one, even though I'm terribly afraid of heights.

•  This year the Balloon Glow was a bit eerie because it was super windy, and balloons kept collapsing. Still cool, though.

This is my favorite balloon because I love the colors.

• The other day I gave away 16 pairs of shoes.  I don't think it's necessary to talk about how many I still own.  After the great purge, Hub bought shoe organizers, and I organized the bottom of my closet, which contains only shoes...

• I have 50ish research papers left to grade.  Will it ever end?  Don't answer that.  I know it'll end, and at this point the ending is more terrifying than being stuck in research-paper-grading limbo forever. . . Yikes.

Goodbye,

  

P.S. This is day twelve of my twenty-one day blogging adventure. So far, so good. Then again, it is only day twelve. . . .Is it safe to say yet that it actually is going well?