July 24, 2010: We All Got Ready...

I woke up on the morning of my wedding earlier than necessary but pretended to still be sleeping.  I couldn't field questions from my mother about how I was feeling or see my father's sentimental glances my way as he tried to change the subject.  I know that's what it would have been like because that's how my little family of three operates.  I bet my parents were secretly a little happy that the bride-to-be didn't come bounding down the steps before necessary, too.  They needed time to think just like I did.  When I couldn't wait any longer, I got out of bed, finished packing my suitcase for my honeymoon, set the suitcase outside my door, and locked myself inside.  I looked out the window a little and sprawled myself out on the bed.  My thoughts were too many, too fast, so I hushed them.  


I took a long, hot shower.  When the water cooled enough to stop tingling my skin, I turned the knob for more heat.  Once I had washed my hair and my face and my body, I cried.  I cried tears of joy for the path of life I'd be choosing to follow, and I whispered prayers of gratitude for how blessed my life had been.  I cried for the paths of life that I had chosen not follow, the paths I had turned away from.  I cried for all the people I loved so dearly who had traveled so far to see Hub and I get married.  I cried for all the people who couldn't be there, the ones I needed so desperately.  And once I was done with my sadness, I turned my heart back to joy and gratitude, and I cried a little more.  


After my shower, I dried my hair and brushed my teeth and put on my "getting ready pajamas," and I made my way downstairs.  My parents and I made small talk over a bite to eat.  My mother and I went over the day's itinerary for the millionth time.  We watched a slideshow of pictures and got a little teary eyed. 


My bridesmaids arrived for lunch, and, for the first time, I was really nervous.  I thought it unwise to alarm anyone on the morning of the wedding, so I sat quietly as my mind spun webs of insecurity and fear, and when I had had enough of that, I shut it down.  I made my thoughts line up, and I worked through each of them until I was satisfied, until I knew for certain that I what I was about to do was right.  I rejoined the party while we finished lunch and flipped through the channels and laughed.


All the getting ready went just fine.  Well, mostly fine.   We ran a little late.  Mom's dress was altered incorrectly in the front, but after some creative snipping and pep talking, she looked stunning.  Too and Kitty put me in my dress; God bless their hearts.  They were troopers.  Just before we started our girl pictures, the house was a wreck.  Everyone was running in a million different directions, and every need was urgent.  Charles found my misplaced lipstick, Kitty helped me in my shoes.  I secured my veil with the proper tips from all my girls.  


The pictures with my bridesmaids and parents went well, and they all left to take their proper places.  Daddy and I stayed behind.  Martha, the wedding planner's assistant, was more nervous than we were, I think.  She kept running outside and back into the kitchen and worrying over how to get the doors opened and shut and locked.  Dad and I laughed about her.  I think she was good comic relief.  I don't remember what else Daddy and I talked about while we stood in the kitchen and waited for our time to go.  I just remember that I was happy, and I was ready.


When Martha came back for the hundredth time, it was finally time to go.  Daddy and Martha helped me get myself all tucked in the golfcart, and I kept praying that my veil or my train wouldn't get loose and be run over. Some teenage girls passing by told me how lovely I looked, and I thanked them. I stayed properly tucked in for the one hundred foot drive and took my place in line behind the bridesmaids.  Everyone smiled and told me I was gorgeous.  Too hugged me and Kitty held my hand.  I took deep, steady breaths as each bridesmaid vanished inside.


After the last one was in, the wedding planner shut the chapel door.  Daddy and I were positioned and my veil was fluffed.  Then my wedding planner gave me the best advice.  She said, "Okay, Jessica.  It's time.  This is all going to go really fast.  So, take a deep breath, and pay attention.  You want to take this all in, look at everything, or you'll miss it.  And you don't want to miss the best day of your life.  Take some mental pictures, make some memories."


I took my deep breath. When she asked if I was ready, I nodded, with a smile, and she opened the door.