July 22, 2010: We Rehearsed...

The wedding rehearsal was surreal.  One groomsman was violently ill, another was missing, and we'd forgotten to bring the marriage license.  We didn't start on time; I got the evil eye from many for not adequately publicizing that there would be cameras; after running around and worrying and wanting everything to be perfect, I just sat down.  I gave up.  I talked to my friends and my family and my soon-to-be groom.  I let it all go; I was happy.


Everything started and finished just fine, except that I never started paying attention.  I had someone else play my part and walk down the aisle; I answered a few questions and changed a few things; but, other than that, I remained unconcerned.  I had finally resigned to the fact that no matter what happened in that chapel on Saturday, everything would be fine.  Maybe it would've been helpful to listen to Mr. Lou talk about what was going to happen, but I didn't.  Maybe I should've sat closer to the front so that I could interject my thoughts, but I didn't.  I just sat and watched and started to understand.  I started to understand that Hub and I really were getting married.  I started to understand that all of the preparations and stress and worry and fun had come down to this.  It was time.  It was time for me to decide that the memories surrounding my wedding weekend would be fun and joyous and entertaining and stress free as possible. So, I decided that I was done worrying and perfecting.  Things would turn out alright.  The good Lord would take care of me, of us, and He did.  Of course, He did.


When I write down all these feelings I had and these decisions I made in a one hour time span, it sounds so serious and deep, but it wasn't.  I was bored.  I was ready to leave.  I already knew about everything that was happening because I had played the tape in my head over and over of what my wedding would look like.  I knew everything would be just fine, just beautiful because I'd already seen it a million times.  Finally, I was confident that everything really would be absolutely, positively perfect.  And I understood that any piece of the wedding that didn't turn out absolutely, positively perfect would be out of my control, anyway, and probably wouldn't matter in a week's time.


It was a beautiful revelation.

247 so far; The Part I Enjoy.

The gifts are rolling in. My gratitude is pouring out. No, seriously.

I am a thank-you note writing machine. I have it down to a fine science. Okay, so maybe I'm not that good, but I get along okay.

Everyone (well, at least a few people) ask if I'm tired of the note writing yet. Has it become tedious? Is it finally getting to be just too much?

Nope. It hasn't. Mostly.

Sure, it's overwhelming to manage all the other facets of my life and try to write genuine thank-you notes in a timely manner that aren't carbon copies of one another; however, I quite enjoy it. That's right; I think writing thank-you notes is fun. (I wasn't an English major for nothin', ya know!)

I mean, this person got me a gift or threw me a party; he or she deserves to be appropriately thanked. Besides that, I am really grateful. People have been so gracious to Hub and me. We have received generous gift cards, beautiful decorative items, gorgeous serving pieces, and all kinds of the perfectly practical things we'll be needing. We've been blessed, and that's an understatement.

So, no, I don't mind taking a minute or two to write a note thanking the giver of the gift.

Don't get me wrong; there have been plenty of times that I've not wanted to lift my pen again for fear that my hand might fall off, but that doesn't diminish the gratitude I so desperately want to express.

Productivity

Today, I wrote 37 thank-you notes. That's right, THIRTY-SEVEN!

As I as writing, stuffing, licking, addressing, and stamping, Hub put stickers on 2/3 of the buckets.

We did good work today. I am proud of us.

The Nerve of It

When you and your fiance were born and raised in the same southern town boasting a population of 7,811 and the nuptials are fast approaching, a favorite question of those you love (and some you don't) is, "Well, are you getting nervous yet?"

And you don't know how to answer; I don't anyway. My automatic response is almost an involuntarily choked out, "Nope; not yet. I'm sure it'll come soon" (referring to the nervousness of course).

But, what I really want to say is, "Nervous about what? Do you mean am I nervous about moving to a city I've seen only once? Perhaps you want to know if I'm nervous about starting graduate school for a program I've only been interested in for a short period of time? Would you like to know if I'm nervous about how oil might or might not be on the beach and how I am definitely not self-centered enough to downplay the serious tragedy just to complain about how the beach might be dirty the day of my wedding? Or, oh, were you just talking about getting married?"

It's not that I don't recognize how serious of a commitment Hub and I are making; I just believe in us. I know we're young, and maybe we are too young. But, is there really the perfect age? I mean, when a person hits 24 (or some other possibly magic age) is he or she automatically ready to commit to a happy and successful and loving marriage? I don't think so, my friends.

I understand, although certainly not fully, that marriage is difficult and something to work at, but I do not and I will not fear it. I have a peace about marrying Hub. I know it's what is right.

For a while, I was asked so frequently about my level of nervousness that I actually became nervous about not being nervous. Maybe something was wrong with me; maybe I was supposed to be nervous? (You know I do have a complex about things I am supposed to do). I soon tired of worrying over my lack of nervousness about getting married, which led me to dream up this precious gem of a post. I decided that if I am the first and last bride on this earth to be totally convinced that she is doing the right thing by getting married, then so be it.

181 Days....

Six months from today, I'll be married!

I don't have a dress; my bridesmaids don't have dresses; I don't know what I'm doing with my hair; I don't have shoes to wear; I don't know how many people will or won't come; I don't know where we'll live when it's all over; there are about a million things I don't know. But I do know this, I have one fantastic groom, and, in the end, that's all that really matters, right?

I thought so.

Here's What's Happening Now...

I just finished reading Julie & Julia. It was a very good read, a wonderful book. I got the book for Christmas, and I also received Julie Powell's second novel, Cleaving, and I am excited to read that soon (or maybe not so soon since my life is consumed with, well, life). At any rate, I'm excited to read that novel as well. Maybe tomorrow I'll tell you about how I made a guinea pig of Julie & Julia; it was quite fun.

So, as the title of the post promises, here is what is happening in my life right now:

Most of the gang is here. Charles is missing because she is at work right now. That's right, Charles is a girl. Please note that her parents are not cruel human beings; (from what I hear, her mother is a saint) they did not, in fact, name her Charles. Charles is a precious nickname that I gave her. (Incidentally, I'll be referring to all of my friends by their nicknames because I think it's more fun that way.)

Okay, so Charles isn't here, but the rest of us are.

I am in my room typing this blog post. Before I began this endeavor, I had just finished reading a good novel. I had to start reading the novel in the first place to serve as an escape from the Mini Panic Attacks that were looming over my head.

~MPA 1: I filled in my planner, and it's looking like the next five weeks are going to be insane. Are my teachers neurotic? How in the world can all these assignments be completed in FIVE WEEKS? I do not have super powers; oh dear, I'll probably just have to fail everything. Wait, I can't fail now; it's my last semester for crying out loud!

~MPA 2: It's my last semester?!?! I'm going to be done with college? Didn't I just get my high school diploma in May? (For anyone who lost track, I got it in 2007) I don't want to leave my friends; they're my family. I need them. I can't believe I'm graduating (I know, I used the 'g-word, but I felt it was appropriate) and getting married.

~MPA 3: Married!? What am I going to do about my wedding and the guest list and inadvertently leaving people off and someone getting their feelings hurt and other people wondering why we even invited them and who all is actually going to show up in Seaside to witness my nuptials and what if no one comes and what if everyone comes and what if everyone turns out to be more than 200 people (that's how many the chapel holds) and what if I don't find a dress.

And the 'what-ifs' ensued, so I opted for a nice escape-read and one of the cupcakes Too baked (they were delicious!), and now I'm here.

Kanis and Too are in the living room working on Too's Rubik's Cube; Kanis is teaching Too how to solve it using logic. Kanis is saying things like:

~"See, that's how it works! Isn't that so awesome! You just use all this weird logic and it works out!"

~"Once you figure out how to solve it, you'll be so happy. It just takes some practice."

~"It uses all this cool logic that's kind of confusing but so much fun, and it keeps my brain happy."

~"Look at you! You're ready for the next step!"

All this business with the cube is a bit over my head, and all those little squares make me a bit nervous anyway, so I just smile and nod and say encouraging things to Too as she embarks on this cube solving journey.

Tater is in the kitchen scrubbing feverishly at a cupcake pan that has a ridiculous amount of that baked-on, brown, burnt-looking goo that appears on metal baking pans. When you get a good look at it, it's pretty gross, so she's doing her best to remove it.

La is about to go to bed. That's right, I live with a college student who works hard to get in bed by 10 on a regular basis. It's quite cute, actually.

There you have it, folks. The Tuesday night happenings in Shores 204. In case you're concerned, the MPAs are no longer looming over my head; don't worry.

Thanksgiving 2009: In a Nutshell

This Thanksgiving was different than all the other Thanksgivings of my lifetime. For the first time ever, I spent Thanksgiving somewhere other than Newport, Arkansas.

My parents, Jonathan, and I piled up in the car on Sunday afternoon and drove to Seaside, FL for our "Planning Day" that kicks off the wedding plans. We drove half way on Sunday and finished up the drive on Monday. After eating lunch and taking a couple of minutes to unload the car, we piled into the car again and took off on quite the adventurous ride to look at reception venues. That lasted all afternoon and was immediately followed by dinner and extreme exhaustion.

Tuesday was our official "Planning Day" in Seaside and began at 9:00 in the morning. We met with our wedding coordinator, Heather, then we met with three photographers, met with Heather again to check out the chapel, had a cake tasting, and then met with two florists. Yet again, exhaustion ensued.

Wednesday, we met with a cake baker, a videographer, two reception venues, and looked at some dishes. I think by now you surely get the exhaustion routine.

Then came Thanksgiving :) Our last day in Seaside, we relaxed. We slept in, watched the parade, went to a movie, and had a great time.

Today, Friday, we drove all ten hours home.

Overall, the week was exciting and stressful and fun and frightening and overwhelming and exhilarating and a lot of other things all rolled into one extremely strange emotional package.

Anyway, I still don't feel like Thanksgiving has come and gone. This week was totally surreal; I still don't feel like it's time to plan my wedding, but I'm excited nonetheless.